I can't bite my tongue forever; while you try to play it cool.

You were something special for me to look forward to texting everyday; but now I can't even bare to look at your name in my contacts. Seeing you on my news feed makes my heart hurt to know how easy it was for you to just forget everything! Everything you said to me was a whole lie, the reason I fell for you was because of a lie you told and held on to for five months before I found out the truth from my best friends boyfriend; which you didn't seem to care about. Now I'm glad I have nothing to do with you, you knew what I had been through in the past, you made promises you just couldn't keep and you made my assumptions true and now I don't trust people easily.

But what I don't get is the text's I get once maybe twice a month from you; asking me if I'm upset; how can you leave it a month not speaking to me then ask if I'm upset; you made me really happy then you just left. How do you think that made me feel? 

Then you text me and message me if we can talk... what makes you think after two months; asking me if I'm upset and lying to me about something that you know is a sensitive subject for me that I'm going to want to talk to you again. Why are you asking me when you've been drinking? Do I come in to you head when you've been drinking? or am I on your mind when your sober you just don't have the guts so you text me at stupid hours of the morning when your hammered. Your playing mind games with me and it's not fair; either talk to me properly or don't talk to me at all. I wan't to say something to you so badly but I know that will leave me wanting to be around you again and then I will be down that same road again and I'll get even more hurt.

I can't deal with being messed up anymore; I've been led on too much in the past and I can't deal with it again.

Career Thinking

Assignments. 2 or 3 due on the same day/week and I can't really keep up.
Our most recent one is a film review for Argo; don't get me wrong it's a good film and it kept me on the edge of my seat and my face behind my hands. But trying to think of a minimum of 1000 words is hard.

'Ben Affleck was good and had a beard'
'Malcolm in the Middle's dad's in it'

This has seriously made me think about what I want to do in the future;
I'm defiantly not going into film journalism to do film reviews... obviously not good at. I just don't know what to do with my life right now like half of my friends do; I have no path I want to take yet.
Only another 400 words to go...

Once again I've left my work to the last minute again...

Will I ever learn?...

College Life

(l-r clockwise) Jess and I, Charlie and I, Jade, Jess and I again again, Charlie and the whole crew. 

In May 2012 I finished my first year of A-Levels and failed them miserably. I thought to myself; I can't carry on doing this; exams just aren't my thing. So I spoke to my tutor and talked about doing a B-TEC; now this was right up my street; no exams, all  coursework; perfect.

I then had three months off to prepare myself for meeting some new people, having all different lecturers and a a different timetable to all of my friends.

September 2012 came around and I started to realize that I would be meeting a whole new group of people , I won't know anyone! I went in to the classroom and saw a girl I knew and I was a little happier. 

After a while I found all of these losers in the photo above but I wouldn't have it any other way. If I'm having a down day they will automatically cheer me up by just walking in the room!

The course I'm on is two years long and it's April 2013 and our first year is almost over and I'm so close to all of them and love them to pieces! I really hope I stay friends with them after the two years are up, it will be a shame if two years goes bye bye!

My First Post

So... I have a Facebook, a Twitter, an Instagram, a Tumblr and now I made a blogger... and I don't really know how to start it.

We've just had two weeks off for easter break and i'm actually glad to be back at college. Can't believe I just admitted that... out loud.

I so happy to be with my college friends. They and two people are making me happy at the moment. My mum is even making my life a living hell. Okay so that might be a bit of an exaggeration but she's still finding every way to wind me up.

I'm glad to be back to normality after the awful half term; I don't know if half of my friends are even my friends anymore and I don't think I even want to go on holiday with them anymore... it's got me so down and the only thing I can look forward to right now is McFly in May; money worries are a big thing at the moment for my family.

And I don't even want to talk about boys right now.

Things will get better. I hope.